Happy Birthday Dad!!!!

Today, you would be turning 66 and it still feels like yesterday you were here. The loss that we have all experienced, opened a can a worms. It has been a rollercoaster for the past 5 months, and we all express our grief differently, some worse than others. As Megan said it as i was confiding in her.....its me against the world. Accepting that your presence and influence can no longer be apart of my life, i am trying to realize that your influence now will be an abstract rather than a concrete reality. I believe time eases things, but time alone doesn't heal. There are still tender spots that happen unexpectedly with a word or incident. Everyday is different. Death ends a life but it doesn't end the relationship, which is what i am struggling with. We live by losing and leaving and letting go. And sooner or later, with more or less pain, we must all come to know that loss is a lifelong human condition. I love you dad, more than you know. Happy Birthday!

Math!!!

I had my first exam and totally bombed it, 70% is what is came out to be. Most of you know that math and me are not friends. I actually dropped out of it in college back in Utah. I really don't grasp the concept of it. In Utah I had people trying to help but still didn't work. The situation right now, is I am taking it online which means I am learning it myself. Who's idea was it to take it online? haha. Nothing has been more frustrating then this particular class. I have my friend Sarah helping me everyday and its still very difficult. I have two more semesters of math and I will not be doing them online!

"Eclipse"

Now that I am in school again, I have become this reader. I actually just finished two books called "The Twilight" and "New Moon". Both amazing books and I highly recommend them. Now I am reading "Eclipse" which follows the two novels. Its a very intriguing, romantic fantasy. More to come but I do have to write papers on these books by the end of semester.

Happy Birthday Mom!

Happy Birthday to my wonderful mom. She is turning 65! You are probably going to read this so I just wanted you to know that I love you. It makes me very sad that you are so sick right now and you keep telling me you want to "Go Home". Mom, I am OK with that. I will take everything that you and dad taught me and be the best person that I can be. Thank you and I hope you have a wonderful day with the family. Sorry I am not there but I will see you soon!

2nd....Celine Dion!!!

Finally, Megs x-mas arrived from last year. We went and saw the most amazing woman in concert...Celine Dion on Thursday October 16, 2008. Megs and I had a very good time, we even met friends who led us to to the concert and back to the car. I was in complete shock with how much passion she puts into her singing. Although, we had some people who weren't so happy with us because either we were standing, singing or laughing. The night was fantastic!




She was sooo excited!

New friends...I forgot there name! But very nice

Just catching up! First....Papa's Pizza!

I am completely swapped with school and work. Its a little hard to juggle with the two but I always try and find time to spend with Molly and Braydon when possible. Last Saturday after class, I got the chance to finally hang out with them. We went out shopping first and they both got to pick out a movie for themselves, after that we headed to the park then to Papa's Pizza. We had a very good time.

Happy Birthday Angie!!!

I just wanted to wish to my very good friends Angie a Happy Birthday! We don't see each other very often, even the last few times I have been to Utah but she is one of my dearest friends and regardless of whats going on in our lives, we always let each other know we are there. Thank you for everything, and especially for being there after my dad. I am sorry I couldn't make it down there for the big bash, but I am thinking of you. I will be down in a few weeks, we will celebrate mine. Be prepared for my sisters!!

Hospitals and idiot doctors!

So I started Wellsfargo yesterday and I wasn't feeling so good in the morning. About 8 am we were all standing, ready to go in. I got this overwhelming hot flash, literally my body was on fire and I starting getting really dizzy, lightheaded, wanting to throw up. As I started walking, my vision went completely blurry and my mobility stopped on my right side. I was trying to go up the stairs and it was like my right leg was not working, and of course I tripped but I didn't remember going up all stairs. So this incident went on for about 10-15 minutes and then it stopped but I ended up with a killer headache all day.

Ended up at the hospital last night. I have always thought our doctors here are incompetent. I explain to the doc what happened and that I have a family history of strokes, and he is explaining to me how some people faint, or have blackouts but really doesn't think I could have a stroke at such a young age. He prescribed me Vicadin and gave me another doc to go see. He leaves for a little while, comes back and says "Well since you have a family history, lets run the tests". He takes me to get an MRI and CT scan and guess what? the scans show a mini stroke also known as "TIA" and he apologizes. At that point, he seemed interested in helping me but I didn't care to listen to him because his whole demeanor was awful. I will NEVER go to that hospital again and because he did tell me I had one, I am going to get a second opinion as to what needs to happen.

Well I definitely know what a stroke feels like and honestly, it scared the hell out of me!

I'm Back!

I am back from Utah and I can honestly say that I didn't want to come back. We had a really good time, did many things. It was my niece Brianna's b-day, we went to Lagoon, hung out at my moms house everyday. I am just starting to come to terms with my dad being gone. I feel like I am an egg, ready to break but the trip was a definite plus!!

The funeral

I left Utah the day after the funeral and I didnt have any copies of pictures from that day until I got here. Its still seems so unreal that he is no longer with us but I know in time it will get easier. The first picture is of my dads family and then of the day.

Utah!

So I am in Utah! Drove down on Tuesday to be here for my dads company gathering. When I arrived at my moms house, my sisters, neices, and nephew were waiting there. We really didn't do much, sat around and reminisced about growing up and talked about my dad. After, we started going crazy with the camera and took some funny pictures.

The Best Picture!

Today I went over to Megs and was hanging with the kids. Meg asked if I would get Molly semi ready into some pj's and wash her face and to make sure Bray brushed his teeth before they go pick up grandma from the airport. So after they were finished, they wanted me to take a picture and send it to Megan to let her know they were ready for Grandma to come! I LOVE this picture!

B-Mann and Molly Mo

Just so you all know, I am over at Megs house a lot. I watch the kids every Wednesday, Thursday and then every other Tuesday. Sometimes we also have a good breakfast or a yummy bbq. Anyways, I was over there yesterday. I could not get Bray to come outside for the life of me, so Molly and I went outside so she can ride her bike. We then headed in the backyard. She showed me the new way to slide down the slide, and then she found a lady bug. She thought that was the coolest thing so she wished for a pink motorcycle and helmet like her mom and blew the ladybug off her hand! It was a pretty fun day and I am headed back there again today.

Busy Weekend!

I am going to make this post short and sweet! Friday, didn't really do much. My friend Sarah and her boyfriend Justin came over to hang out. Saturday morning through the afternoon went to the pool with my new neighbor that moved in then Shawn and I headed to Beau's house for a bbq. Got a couple pictures of Beau's dad Paul, his brother Brian, wife Stacey and Patrick. Sunday we went to the Dew Tour and watched the BMX riders, it was exciting.

Received a Card!

I received a card today from my sister Neilya. It was a little weird because we usually don't do things like that. Neilya is not one to express how she is feeling, but I guess a lot of our family is like that. To get this card in the mail meant so much to me and the fact that I have been feeling a little down anyways just brought some tears today. Like I have said before, its the little things that count.

So that made me a happy today and the fact that I am planning a trip home makes me more happy. The first place I am stopping is my dads grave! Then going to see my mom and give the biggest hug. I just want to enjoy the time I have left with her.

Just another Day!

Just another day of watching Molly and Brayden. We really didn't do much, took some pictures of ourselves being silly. Went outside to enjoy the sun before it started raining again. They are very fun especially when you are having a down day!

Multnomah Falls!

I have been wanting to go hike the falls for the longest time. At the last minute, Shawn and I decided to go. This place is heaven to me! When I am having one of those days, I either want to be here or the beach. We hiked all the way to the top and then around which took a couple of hours. I had so much adrenaline that I could have done it again. We had a blast!

Missing my Dad!

Wow its been almost 3 months since he has passed. I wish he was here so I can tell that I was awarded financial aid and I signed up for school today. Taking 12 credits starting September 22nd. He was always so excited to hear any kind of news like that, especially with me being the youngest. He always wanted so much more from me and I never understood why. When good things happen and I am not able to share it with him, I do tend to get a little sad but I know that he is watching me every step of the way.

Busy Day!

It was another busy day today. Brayden and Molly came over to hang out while Megan ran an errand. We had a blast. I took them the park where we climbed and raced each other. Then we came back to the house and watched "Madagascar" and ate Nachos. Megan also hung out after she was finished, but sadly I didn't a picture of her. Next time......

My Sissy's Birthday

Today is Neilya's Birthday! (The one on the right) She doesn't really do much because she says she is too old for it. Now the difference between me and her is that I am looking forward to my 30's, sounds weird...I know. So I just want her to know that I love her and hope she has a fantastic day and night in Wendover. Wish I could be there but there is always next time.

Hanging out with Molly and Brayden

Yesterday I went over to Meg's to watch the kids again. They were being so silly, wanting me to take there picture while they posed. So we hung out mostly outside, made them some food and went downstairs to play a game called "Fern Gully" on there TV. I have never seen it so Brayden and Molly were teaching me, which was funny. We all had a good time.